Sometimes I just don't want to. I just don't feel like it. Staying at home would be so much easier. Skipping (fill in the blank) wouldn't be bad, would it? But I'm so not in the mood (to go out and about and be around people).
Sometimes I feel that way about things I've committed to (like teaching Sunday School). Sometimes I feel that way about things I'm doing for pure enjoyment (like spending an afternoon scrap booking with friends I rarely see). Sometimes I feel that way about things that need doing (like going to the grocery store).
But I DO show up to teach Sunday School, I do go scrap booking and I do go to the grocery store. And guess what? I'm always glad I went. (Yes, even to the grocery store...because no matter how many people there are giving the impression they've never walked an aisle with a cart before and clog everything up with their slack-jawed looks of amazement, I still walk out knowing I've got the supplies to support the Fam. for another week or two...or until they eat "the good stuff".)
Yesterday, I wasn't feeling wonderful in the morning, in fact, I wasn't feeling well (just pregnancy stuff like shortness of breath). I was a little worried (maybe even dreading) how Sunday School would go because I felt so :P BUT I went and I did the lesson with my co teacher and I enjoyed my time, and by the end of the hour, I felt OK. Having the opportunity to serve others was healing and rejuvenating...and I adore the children in the class. I'm glad I didn't try to find an out. I needed that hour.
Yesterday afternoon, I went scrap booking. I danced around whether I would go. I do this every time I'm going to this particular venue. I adore the women there, but the location is part of painful history for me (the Husband was an intern there). I'm always welcomed with smiles and hugs (by most ;) )I get to see friends I don't see often. We talk about kids and food and books and tons of other stuff. We scrap and we eat and laugh and I get past the feeling that I'm invading in a place I don't belong. But before I go, there's always that feeling that maybe I should just stay home. Yesterday was no exception but...I had a wonderful visit, got a lot accomplished..and came home feeling refreshed.
I've learned to "just do it". I've mastered my inner hermit (mostly). It can seem easier to avoid people and things but the reality is...it doesn't usually help. Sometimes a new perspective, a different voice and something outside myself heals whatever the funk is. I realized that walking through the woods on Thursday and I saw it again yesterday.
The strength to "just do it" doesn't come from within. The strength to move forward, to step out, to go and do what feels difficult at first comes from God. I know that and I am thankful to have Someone much bigger than myself to rely on when I need a little extra push in the right direction.
I'm so glad when I follow through and do the things I don't feel like doing...the commitments, the fun stuff and even the chores. While individually they may not be big accomplishments, they're all things that remind me that I don't exist purely for myself, but in community with others.
May you find the strength to face whatever it is that just doesn't feel easy today.