Changes

Time goes on and things change and people change and life changes.

Healing doesn't happen in a seamless way either. I mean, as time passes the open wounds heal but they do leave scars. We're forever changed by our experiences...the good and the bad. To expect that anything will remain static is, well, unreasonable.

I've been reflecting on this for a couple of reasons. Someone recently told the Husband that as she had lost her spouse three years ago, she should be over it. The Husband said, you never get over it, but you go on. I believe this person is being unrealistic about how healing after the loss of a loved one will be.

I've never lost a spouse, but I've lost both my parents. My mom in December 1995 and my Dad on June 21st, 2007.

I still miss him. I can still imagine what he'd say and "hear" his voice saying it. I still remember the last time I spoke to him, on Father's Day. He was in the last stages of lung cancer, something he didn't tell me he was coping with until about 3 weeks before he died (I lived 10 hours away, he refused any treatment (even palliative care) and was trying to protect me from the worry...because I'm fragile, doncha know? ;) ) (That's my eyes rolling. :) )

Anyway, I remember when I spoke to him and he said, "That baby's gonna be here soon." Little did we know how soon. But he sounded really excited. I hold that in my heart. My dad died a few days later, about 6 hours after *I* was born. No one that visited me knew quite what to say to me. You see, I wanted to talk about my dad, they wanted to talk about the baby because, let's face it, that's infinitely easier.

I have 'healed' from his death, and my mom's, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that I don't miss them. There's still that scar there. I'm learning what life is without my parents here, in the flesh. Sometimes I still cry. I feel envious of my friends whose families are around, not in a bitter way, but in a wistful way.

I am forever changed by the losses. But, I'm also forever changed by the positive things in my life...the friends, the births, the wins, the successes.

The world keeps on spinning. The sun rises and sets. Life has its ups and downs. We move forward because that's the only direction we can travel...and we have God to walk alongside us, or carry us through.

It is a privilege to walk on this Earth. Life is a gift and a blessing, one I am incredibly thankful for even when it's painful.

I pray that you can find hope and blessings even when you're walking through pain, hardship and loss. I pray that if you cannot see or feel it, someone reaches out to give you some care and love and be the loving arms of God for you when you need to feel them most.

-Peace