Sunday, June 13, 2010

It's a Dream, It's a Goal...It's Not Happening On My Schedule.

It's important to have dreams. I'm not sure whether dreams and goals are interchangeable. I suppose they could be. Or perhaps the distinction is between what is even remotely attainable(goal) and what is not (dream). BUT if we decide something isn't attainable, it never will be. Right?

Can you tell I'm having an introspective morning?

So here I sit while the Husband has 4/5 of the offspring at a ball game and I am pondering goals, dreams, possibilities and moping a little bit about what might never happen.

I had a professor my freshman year of college who told me if you were satisfied with where you were, you'd never achieve anything. I'm not sure that's true. I think there's a difference between being satisfied and being resigned. I can be satisfied in my life but still have goals. If I'm resigned, I see no point in making goals and I'm guaranteed to stagnate.

Lately, I think I'm in a state of resignation. I want to be hopeful, but life has been kind of difficult in the past few years. I've lost the dreams and goals and just focused on the day to day survival. It's pretty frustrating and it's reality and it's really taken the wind out of my sails.

The timing isn't working for me.

I don't know whether to focus on the short term things that may work out or the long term dreams that we hope can happen and I just feel...frustrated.

Part of me feels like I need to do something and the other part of me doesn't even know what to do. Aren't I uplifting today?

So In the midst of all this is hope and Jeremiah 29:11.."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." NIV I know I've quoted this verse before, and probably not long ago. But it's something of a "go to" for me.

So in the midst of trying to figure out goals and dreams and the "whats" and "hows" of life, I reflect on this verse and try not to feel guilt for all the ways I feel I've let people (particularly the kids) down. (I told you I'm feeling introspective and a little mope-y.) Instead I try to focus on hope for the future and that God does have a plan for me, even when my own plans might, well, get mucked up.

You see, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." God can use anything for good, but sometimes I've got to hike through some rocky parts of life. I don't like it much, but I'd like the believe I build up some muscles along the way.

So, here's to building up muscles we'd sometimes rather not build. (Kind of like after a work-out when you feel muscles you didn't know you had. ;) )


1 comment:

  1. Letting God be truly and totally in charge is soooo very hard sometimes. I feel completely useless some days and the older my daughter gets, the worse it gets. I feel like I need somebody to need me. I think about getting a job so that I feel needed by someone. Then God reminds me that I'm right where He wants me to be, even if I at times may not feel as if that's true. I think in these days of over scheduling and running running running we can feel as if we aren't doing enough. You provide a loving home for your husband and children. That's enough and that's more than most husbands and children have in these modern times! Hugs to you and that beautiful baby girl inside you! ;)