Tuesday, January 31, 2012

People Like Me

Today the Husband and I "had words". He said, "It's because of people like you..."

Ouch. That hurt. Mostly because I know he's right.

So being a mature woman, I ranted a bit then I self-righteously gathered up our newspaper recycling and said,"Goodbye." I said I was dropping off the recycling and just going out.

So now I type on my iPod from Panera. (Talk about time consuming on this tiny touchpad. LOL)

The issue? I don't like waves except in the ocean. He proudly tells the story of being at Shea Stadium as a child with his grandfather and his grandfather reprimanding teenagers tossing their litter over the railing. Absolutely right thing to do. Speak up.

Here's the thing, I cringe a little. I mean what if...

So while I care deeply about people and about social injustice and about wrongs done, the truth is I am a mouse about speaking up or out. Whistleblower probably would not be my nickname.

Not exactly a shining example of evangelism or faith. Sigh.

Convicted. Ashamed.

And yet, in my life when I have felt unsupported, forgotten, unprotected and without a voice, how alone and forsaken I have felt. When others reach out, speak out and respond in love and faith, I feel God's love soothing my broken soul.

It is people like me, afraid and silent, who miss the opportunities to be His hands and feet on earth. It is people like me who allow hurt and pain and affliction to go unchecked.

My fear becomes my millstone and it is tied around my neck, preventing me from living fully for Him and His glory.

I guess this post today is something of a confession. I admit my fear and now try to find ways to face and conquer, to change.

Do you ever struggle with speaking up? Do you see it as prudent or problematic? I think there is a balance and one must use wisdom.

There are times when speaking up is appropriate and necessary and required.

Lord, I ask you for the strength and wisdom to do what is right and good, and to never hesitate to do what will glorify You.


1 comment:

  1. I just caught up on your last few posts and wanted to tell you you for sure aren't alone. I struggle with my human-ness and with my failure of God all the time. I'm struggling with it right now because while we were in KY and attending our wonderful church my husband and I had BOTH stopped cussing. Well now that we are out, our mouths have gotten not so clean again. (It's funny to me how that happens). I've love my Jesus, give Him all the glory for every single aspect of my life, and know that without Him we'd be nothing, but I can't keep my potty mouth clean. He died for me and I can't stop using cuss words. That is pitiful! I see that you've got some stuff going on and I will keep you in prayer. Please do just remember, things get so much better when we let go. God has led us through an amazing journey over the last 8 monnths, and I know that He continues to lead us. I trust Him completely! Rest is his arms my friend, He can hold you up better than any other. Ps....I love to visualize myself climbing up into Jesus's arms and resting with my head on His chest......