Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Cozy and Safe
The difference between now and then is that I no longer drown a whole sleeve of defenseless (or indefensible?) saltines in the bowl.
Now, I know that if I made my own vegetable soup it would probably have less sodium and other stuff in it. (I'm not going to say anything negative so the Campbell's people come after me. ;) ) I know that vegetable soup is easy to make. In fact, I like making soup. It's just that sometimes a little taste of my childhood is comforting, particularly on a cold and dreary winter day.
I've been joking about my age a lot. I don't know why it bothers me to be getting older, but it does. I remember that I wanted to dance with my dad at my wedding to Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide". I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, even children get older. I'm getting older, too. (Sadly, the band we hired didn't know the song and I had to settle. I just thought it was perfect.)
I'm getting older too.
I may not have had any gray hairs yet (woohoo!) and I don't have too many wrinkles, but I'm sure they're coming. (If I'm lucky.) Heck, undergarments that say "Age-defying support" are being marketed to me, that's just disturbing.
Anyway, sometimes I just want (or need) to feel like a little kid (or even 21) again, without the responsibilities that come with being a wife of one and mom to six. I want to feel protected, not like the impotent protector. I want to feel like all I need is a bowl of warm soup and some Sesame Street on the tube to have a good afternoon.
I guess part of getting older is learning to see the warmth and comfort in other places. Like Lisa Harper described at the Women of Faith event in November, resting in God is like relaxing into a pile of warm laundry. Isn't that a great image? I just love it and am so thankful I heard her description because every time I pull some clothes from the dryer I am reminded of God's love.
And you know what? As I am growing older, I recognize that my peace and comfort can only come from God. Childlike faith is all about believing in God and maybe that's one way I can work back toward my youth and relax a little bit because while I am an impotent protector, God is not. While I am craving warm soup and Muppets, God gives me the Living Word to warm my heart and feed my soul.
It's okay to remember my youth but important to remember that I am who I am because of my journey...and most importantly, I am who I am because He created me. I will be cozy and safe because of Him, and you will be too.