Wednesday, January 25, 2012
It's Mine All Mine.
There are days (many, recently) when this sight makes me want to run screaming from the house to a nice, safe place where I can drink coffee from a paper cup in relative quiet and umm tidiness.
It's not that I do not love them or appreciate them. It's just that there are times ( too frequently lately, I confess) when the scene above is Just. Too. Much. I mean, the Lego blocks, the random papers, the mess and the noise (Oh the noise!) just wear on me. And it's an every day occurrence, the picture you see above.
Yesterday though, it didn't bother me. Not. One. Bit. I was relaxed and saw the joy and the gift in the chaos. I wasn't even counting down to bedtime in my head. (I did that Sunday.)
You can say, "You should be thankful for those children." You're right, I should be. And I am, mostly. You can say, "You decided to have all those kids." You're right, we did. You can say, "You might be sorry some day that you don't appreciate every moment you have." You are absolutely correct.
The truth is, I think we cannot fully appreciate all of our blessings in the moment. I think one of the gifts of hindsight is that we can see our blessings in new and different ways. Each night as I go to sleep, I reflect on the ways I could have and should have done things differently. Each evening I pray for patience, for guidance, for forgiveness and yes, for peace. I know that I need peace in my heart and mind in order to find peace in my day, especially in the midst of the chaos of daily life with 6 active, emotional offspring.
For whatever reason, I had a peaceful heart in the midst of that chaos last night and I saw my life in a different light. The scene above didn't make me want to tear out my hair or run from the house in the mom van seeking overpriced coffee in a paper cup. Nope. Last night I was able to go with the flow.
How tonight will go remains to be seen. I have hope though, hope that even if tonight's chaos makes me want to run (which I cannot do because the Husband has an evening out with the guys planned) there will be more days in the future where I am able to go with the flow...and I will be very happy that this is mine all mine.