Monday, January 23, 2012

A Soundtrack

I write about music a little bit.  I love to listen to the lyrics and sometimes I find bits and pieces that speak to my heart.  I've mentioned that once or twice or... you get the picture.

Last night as I was driving, I thought about a soundtrack for my life.  I didn't come up with a complete soundtrack.  So many songs speak to me in part, but not in whole, and they have different meanings or associations at different times.

For instance,  I don't identify with all of the lyrics from Adele's "Someone Like You" right now because, well, I'm married, not pining after some now married ex-boyfriend.  I do love the song and her voice and one line spoke to me, Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?  There are things in life that are wonderful, beautiful amazing gifts, but they can have some "bittersweet" to them.  I see it right now in my family and it makes me wonder, is the "sweet" worth the "bitter", is the payoff worth the pain?  I just don't know, and the pain as a spectator (cracks in my heart) is pretty unbearable.

This morning I thought of the lyrics from "You Are More"... How did I get here? And I thought about how I got to where I am, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually....How. Did. I. Get. Here?  As in right this minute, how did I get to the place where I am?  A perfect storm of stuff got me to where I am.  Some my choices, some other people's, but lots of stuff transpired to put me exactly where I am.

And then the Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready to Make Nice",  It turned my whole world around, and I kinda like it.  Because in that perfect storm of stuff that got me to where I am, I learned about myself and thought about things in new ways.  I guess you could say I'm in a phase of self-discovery and redefining myself based not on what I "think" are other people's expectations of me but discovering what I want and need.  (Is that part of getting *ahem* older, wanting to live my life based on my desires and beliefs rather than how people think I should live?)

Each of those songs could have a place on my soundtrack.  I will find others to add, I'm sure. I'm certain that my soundtrack will be like a greatest hits with multiple volumes, various genres of music and a whole spectrum of emotions and experiences.  I am trying to embrace it.  I don't like music that's all sunshine and roses, it stands to reason my life won't be like that either.

What about you?  What's your soundtrack like?

Enjoy the music.  Sing along.  Dance if you're moved.


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