Sunday, January 8, 2012
"I'm Gonna Love You With My Life"
Don't you love it when you come across a great song totally by chance (or Godwink)? I love the lyrics to this song, Getting Into You by Relient K.
How many times do people ask us, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?" For so many reasons and in so many ways we ask it and people ask us.
When I made up my mind and my heart along with that to try to live not for myself but yet for God somebody said, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
Nope! How often in my life have I thought I had all the possibilities worked out only to be surprised. In those times, I can only lean into God.
When I finally ironed out all of my priorities and asked God to remove the doubt that made me so unsure of all these things I ask myself. I ask myself, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
Priorities. I think I have them figured out and then the sparkly things in life distract me and the next thing you know, I'm not quite living for God anymore. And doubt... I am full of it. Not doubt about God, doubt about my ability to utilize the gifts He has given to me and my ability to serve Him.
And here's the line that speaks to my heart and soul and fears and doubts....
I've been a liar and I'll never amount to the kind of person You deserve to worship You. You say You will not dwell on what I did, but rather what I do. You say, "I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into."
I feel that kind of conviction, the sense of being unworthy to worship God, or to use the gifts He gave me. I feel like a big, fat phony. I can talk the talk and even walk the walk sometimes but there are other times when I feel like a crummy mom and wife and well a very unworthy child of God. (I am very good at judging my actions and seeing all the faults and failings. Is that a gift, because I use that one all the time?)
But God does say He will forgive and He does. God loves us. I believe that in my heart but my mind plays tricks on me. This morning on the radio I heard someone talking about how sometimes we cannot rely on our feelings about God. We must believe and trust His word even when our feelings suggest we are unworthy and unlovely, even when our situation or our behavior surely suggests something other than a God who loves and forgives and is with us, even in the midst of the crummy times and times when we don't live up to God's ideal for us.
And you know what? If God our creator can forgive us, who are we not to forgive?
I'm getting into You because You got to me in a way words can't describe. I'm getting into You because You've got to be essential to survive. I'm gonna love You with my life.
I've been a liar and I'll never amount to the kind of person you deserve to worship You.
I pray we all can make peace with who we are, who we've been and achieve a close approximation of who we strive to be.