Monday, February 28, 2011

I Can't

You know how we're taught that if we can't say anything nice, we shouldn't say anything at all? Yeah well, I feel as though saying anything nice or positive or even funny just isn't going to happen.

It could be the fever and cough and headache. It could be that once again hopes were dashed. It could be that I'm wallowing a little bit in that sour muck of self-pity.

But then isn't so bad. I'm reading a new book called One Thousand Gifts. The premise is that we need to be thankful for all of the little things instead of just using a blanket " I am thankful for all things." The author, Ann Voskamp, has a point.

So today when I could find all sorts of things to be less than thankful for, less than positive about and, if I'm being honest, a little bit, or a lot, bitter about, I realized that while life isn't happening the way I want it to I have a roof over my head and a full pantry, a husband who loves and honors me and children who are healthy-ish and pretty decent, mostly and those are huge HUGE things to be thankful for.

It was almost as if God reminded me in the midst of my lamentation that my needs were met, even if my wants and desires and dreams weren't happening. I am tired of that...much like the Israelites tired of manna. And much like them, if my own manna (food and shelter and family) all went away, I would be sorely sorry I didn't appreciate those blessings and all the other little gifts and blessings so easy to take for granted (or even become annoyed at).

So today I am not in a witty mood and I cannot say that I am full of positive things to share. I can say that I am thankful for hot showers to soothe headaches, The Husband who brought me ibuprofen last night when I was feverish, boys who have legs with which to run like maniacs through the house, dirty dishes that mean we had food to eat and a God who has a plan, even when I am clueless as to what it could possibly be.


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