I believe that I've written before that if we're talking "love languages" mine is words of affirmation.
However, I struggle with it too.
I have a love-hate relationship...with compliments. They make me feel good. Unless I wonder whether the person is "just saying" it to be kind, then I am filled with self-doubt and feel self-conscious.
I guess I don't feel worthy of the affirmation I crave. Doesn't make much sense.
I've been thinking about gifts a lot lately. We each are blessed with certain things we're good at. I do believe that. Yet, sometimes I find myself oh so uncertain of whether I really am good enough. (And to say I am "gifted" in a certain area, wouldn't that be bragging or showing off, and what if I'm not "all that"?!)
I try to err on the side of humility. I'm not fishing for compliments, but trying to walk humbly.
Jesus says in Luke 14:8-9 “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. (NIV)
That being said, how often do I not volunteer, speak up or believe in myself enough to share the gifts given to me by God? Humility is good, but sometimes I might better serve God and others by, in the words of Luther, sinning boldly. I am so afraid to be wrong, to speak up and appear foolish, to offend or be judged lacking that I say nothing.
I want to change. I want to stand up and be counted, be bold and brave and powerful. Did you hear that? I just roared. LOL. :)
My prayer for each of us is that we may discover and use the amazing gifts bestowed upon us by God. May we grow in wisdom and humility and strength so that instead of bragging or hiding, we may walk humbly and bravely, all the while glorifying God.