My Undoing...

The lemon squares made me do it. No really, I sort of turned into my mother this morning and it was over a pan of lemon squares.

I've made them before but not in a long time and in a flash of *ahem* "brilliance" I decided they would be the perfect thing to bring to MOPS this morning. Umm, no. They taste delicious but the crust was really crisp and when I tried to cut them they looked a little rough around the edges, if you get my meaning.

So there I stood at the kitchen counter sobbing over lemon squares. I couldn't bring those things to MOPS (no matter how good they tasted) and I had too much to do before I left, and I'm as big a house, and every other "crisis" this morning added on top of it and Mama lost it...over the lemon squares.

Such a shining example I was this morning. I feel terrible that I was in mid-crisis when *C* left for school, such a great way for him to go off and face the bullies on the bus (another thing to worry about).

My mom used to get very stressed when she cooked. She didn't cry over food, to my memory, but she got rather unpleasant. ;) There are few things that cause me such distress in the kitchen. (I no longer try to decorate fancy cakes for the boys though, because it was one more way I worked myself into a tizzy and the Husband said, is it really worth it?)

If I made the lemon squares for the family, the outcome would have been fine. If the birthday cake wasn't going to be surrounded by people and covered with candles and pictures weren't going to be taken, I wouldn't stress so much about that either. BUT...the lemon squares were for others and so were the birthday cakes ...and they weren't perfect.

I don't claim to be perfect, but I don't want to highlight my already glaring inadequacies either...and that's what failed lemon squares and imperfectly decorated birthday cakes signified to me. Sometimes I feel like everyone else can manage everything else with such ease and grace, and I'm waddling along (feeling sorry for myself) and being sub-par.

And then it hit me...I was so focused on the appearance that I missed out on what really mattered. Yes, some might judge me by the lemon squares and find me lacking...but others might take a bite and enjoy their tangy deliciousness.

My heart was definitely not in the right place this morning. I missed out on making the best of my lemons (and lemon squares). The teachable moment with my kids...probably taught them the wrong way to handle something that turns out poorly. (Does that mean a double fail? Sigh.)

So this afternoon when I see my boys, I'm going to apologize for my tantrum. I'm going to tell them that sometimes things don't work out but having a meltdown over it isn't going to fix it or make you feel any better. Instead, I usually feel worse because in addition to whatever didn't work out I also feel badly about my reaction.

Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, shrug your shoulders and figure out plan b. Today I was undone by an 8 x 8 pan of dessert. Talk about sweating the small stuff. (Go ahead and roll your eyes...I wouldn't blame you.)

By the way, the lemon and key lime tarts I bought on the way were delicious.

-Peace