Do you know who I admire? People who can be open about their fears. People who can be open about their troubles. People who can let others see their vulnerabilities. People who have grace and dignity. People who always look put together.
Please note, I said admire not envy, because the two are very different and I'm working very hard not to be envious of what others have. I recognize that I am not equipped to handle what others have or what they do not have. (I read that sentiment somewhere and it made an impression.)
I harbor no illusions that I appear to be totally together. I probably look flustered by my life more than I actually feel flustered. (And I do spend a great deal of energy acting like I'm not bothered by something my very human children are doing.) I am rarely (if ever) "put together". I harbor no illusions that people think I'm "Super Mom."
But I'd like to at least appear as "together" and confident as the people around me..or at least as "together" as I see them. :) My biggest struggle is being open about my fears and struggles. I can be open with some people some of the time. However, I'm careful about who I share with.
Do you want to know why? Because I am afraid that all people will really be thinking is that I probably wouldn't be facing these issues if I didn't have "all those kids". (When I was pregnant with #3 someone close to me said, "You should have thought of that before you had all those kids." when one was sick and I had morning sickness..so yes, I fully expect it to be what is running through anyone's mind when I have a problem.)
But, you know what? Other than having more kids playing baseball or more kids complaining about what's for dinner..my struggles aren't very different than someone with one or two kids. I have the very same fears and worries, hopes and dreams.
I admit that this might be all in my head. A chip on my shoulder. An expectation of covert, if not overt, judgement of our choices. So I use these chips to build a wall to protect myself from the hurt that comes from those who make the "off the cuff" comments that cut so deeply.
BUT...when I can let myself be open that I'm hurting or scared or could use a "little help!" and I get the acceptance and support I so dearly need...whew! That is awesome! I am going to take some lessons from the people I admire and be more open about my fears. (The worries we have about the baby have helped me grow in this area already and I am thankful for the prayers and support I have received.)
So on this Mother's Day weekend, I wish every mom of one or many a wonderful day and a life full of supportive people to help them achieve their goals as moms. I pray that we can be open with our weaknesses and not need to feel like super women completing a huge list of daily accomplishments to see our value. Sometimes just being a regular old human mother, leaning on some other humans for strength..is pretty super too.