I clawed my way out of bed this morning, changing Miss M's diaper with my eyes mostly closed. I clomped down the stairs grumbling. I was unpleasant to be around. I have been cranky most of the day. (Just ask the Husband, he'll tell you. ;) )
Why? I did not get enough sleep. I stayed up too late watching television. I chose to stay up late watching the box instead of getting some precious sleep and today has been a wasted day of crabbiness, lack of motivation and slow-motion. The show wasn't even that good, and if mind candy is a redeeming quality, that's the only one there was.
It was not worth it. If I has stayed up with a child who couldn't sleep, been studying, knitting, reading even, I could see some rewards to my choice. This, not so much.
How many other moments, minutes, hours do I waste each day in activities that just are not worth it? Not worth the time I can never get back. What other choices do I make that could be better? 10, 20, 2000?
Yesterday I spent time with a friend and it was worth it. Each day I am doing things and I am going through the motions, but just like I need to be intentional about investing in my friendships, I realize that it is not enough to just be present, I need to be intentional in all aspects of life.
How? It seems kind of overwhelming and yet if I add up each stretch of minutes I waste doing useless things, I could do some cool stuff.
That's really the key. I do a lot of useful things, but I also spend a lot of time on things that really have no value, other than mind candy. I guess I'm a mind candy junkie. I need to break the habit.
Every day I want to be able to look back and see something accomplished. I want it to be things that matter. Even a mundane list of household chores matter when they are done with love in my heart. Every day that I spend more time on random mind candy than on living a full life, I have frittered away gifts of time and talent. I have missed opportunities to love and serve and make memories.
There is a time and a place for mind candy, but it can't be a steady diet. It's just not worth the waste.