This morning when all was still relatively quiet I was still in bed, Miss M snuggled up in my arm where she had been since she started fussing at 5:30, I was reflecting on all the things I needed to accomplish today.
As the sun was rising and I was still half-asleep it all seemed quite peaceful and peace-filled. My mental list flowed and I saw how easily I would be able to sit down, commit my mental list to paper and then cross each item off.
Perhaps I was dreaming?
At 6:40, *I* came in. "Good morning, Mom!" He was full of joy as he climbed in to bed with us. Miss M popped up and started giggling as she tried to climb off the bed. Daddy caught her as I went to wake up *J* for Driver's Ed. I picked up Miss M and *I* and we headed downstairs to where *C* and *E* were already sitting. (Why, yes, I do have early risers.)
The morning chores began- feeding little people, mediating disputes and making coffee. My list, crystal clear in the dawn's early (and peaceful) light became a little muddled. After the immediate needs of the brood were met, I poured a cup of coffee and began writing a grocery list and a "to do" list. The grocery list was on the "to do" list as were some school projects.
I have school this weekend. On my list are finish tweaking my paper for submission and prep for an exam. getting the paper submitted is weighing on my mind. I sit down and fire up the laptop to get started in the relative quiet. And then, the Husband starts up the stairs asking the boys to be quiet so mommy can work. As the bathroom door closes behind him, the bickering begins. Really?! I was annoyed and then I felt guilty.
Have you ever heard that prayer/joke about the mother Thanking God because she hasn't lost her temper etc with her kids and then at the end she says how she hasn't gotten out of bed yet? Well, that is how I felt! Before I got out of bed, I had this day covered. I got out of bed and reality hit.
I know I need to breathe and pray and bite my tongue a bit but sometimes I just want to stomp my feet and yell, "Could you give me five minutes to complete a thought!?" Do you want to know what I did today? Keep wondering. ;)
I sit here drinking my second cup of coffee and the paper has been submitted (because I would not be writing here if it wasn't). The Husband went to the grocery store after dropping the boy off and after I shower I am going to prep for my exam.
Sometimes being in school and having a children stretches me and stresses me. I do not always respond the way I would like to. I try to take everything in stride but sometimes the pressure I put on myself and the family I love very much are pulling me in opposite directions and I feel like I'm going to be drawn and quartered.
It is in these moments when I begin to wonder and worry. I start to think maybe I'm not being the wife and mother God has called me to be. I pray for guidance and wisdom and things settle down.
My path is not the right path for everyone but both my journey and destination are opportunities to bring glory to God.
Sometimes stretching can tear me apart. Today I remembered that stretching can bring growth, too. Thank You God, for helping me stretch and stay in peace today. (Pun intended.)