Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed and unwell and just plain crummy.
The thought of trying to find a dinner that would please at least 3 of people in my house literally brought me to tears. (The finicky eaters are my own fault, I own it, am not happy with it but it's the way we're operating right now.)
After retreating to my room I told the Husband I was on strike and not cooking dinner because it was such an exercise in futility to spend time preparing meals. I then kicked him and the 6yo out and had a little cry.
A few minutes later I went downstairs to see the Husband fixing a variety of meals (we should open a diner, I swear!) . I'm not asking for suggestions on how to "fix" this dilemma, we know, we know, we know...
He apologized for not picking up more of his share of things around the house.
I went out for a futile and depression-increasing clothes shopping trip by myself. And in the car I realized, it's not the house work that is getting me down. (Though I do confess to thinking, "Would it kill him to throw in a load of laundry when I'm out?!)
I miss my husband. He goes to work , gets home helps with homework and dishes and by the time the boys go to bed we're both fried. (Miss M hangs out with us but she's pretty low-maintenance. ;) ) We rarely can have 5 minutes of uninterrupted conversation when someone doesn't need something or they aren't bickering before one of us is ready for sleep, usually me.
I miss the days when he worked different hours and we would occasionally go browsing the bookstore with just the littlest kids, maybe hit an antique store or watch a DVD in the afternoon.
I don't want or need a date night..I just want a little bit of time to hang out with him, even if a 3 yo and a 6 week old are tagging along.
So last night I said, I don't need you to do more around the house, I just need your attention. I need an adult conversation (because there are days when I don't have any..except for the 5 minutes or so with him.)
The Husband is a terrific father. He is always there, present and interested in what the boys, make that children whoops, are doing. He is also a great husband, but finding a balance between parent and spouse seems to be difficult for us these days.
This morning he came home for a few minutes after his dentist appointment and we chatted and that was...perfect. It wasn't a trip to the bookstore or a lunch out, but it was nice to have the time and attention.
Give me the laundry and the dishes and give me a little less-divided attention. That was exactly what I needed from him.
May you find the things you really need in the midst of your day.