Wednesday, October 6, 2010

And I Know I'm Not...

The song above is pretty much the whole point of my is a family-friendly song and not the one I'm writing about below.

Today I was driving to MOPS and a song came on the radio that I probably wouldn't play for family dance night but I like it a lot and when the middle boys are in the car, I probably wouldn't turn it up and sing. It has lots of references that are not things I would say are good examples or influences or anything else...and I really REALLY wouldn't want the kids to sing it out loud and proud in public.

But I like the song and when I'm alone I do turn it up and sing and it's on my mp3 player too. (A bad example, I know, but I am not influenced in my choices or values by this song on the radio.)

A few weeks ago it was just the 16 yo and I in the car and I said, "I like this song and turned it up." He looked a little horrified. "Mom! Have you listened to the lyrics?!" Umm yeah. How does he think I can sing along? ;)

Today I thought of that exchange and realized he sees me in a particular way..a mom type way which is, kind of like "mom jeans" if you know what I mean. He would never think that I was hip or cool or 'gasp' did anything wild. And that's OK because I am his mom and he doesn't need to know every poor decision I've made...and learned from.

I'm not who I was.

However, I do hope that all of the children (typed boys, had to edit whoops) will realize that I have certain opinions and wisdom to share because of the life I've lived up until now. I made mistakes and hope that I can prevent them from making the same mistakes.

While I am in no way able to give them eternal life like Jesus did when he died for us, I do hope that I can save them some of the struggles because I struggled.

But...I also am not the same person I was then. I don't think it's just about maturity. I truly believe it's because of my growing, active and alive faith in God that I have become the person I am. That and the freedom and forgiveness I receive because of that faith.

It is my hope, my prayer, that my children will make better choices because of their faith (and ours) ...they know (or at least hear repeatedly) that God loves them and that everything they have and are and can be are gifts from God.

Knowing that has made all the difference in my own life...and I pray it does in yours too.

I'm not who I was.


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