Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Fill 'Er Up
So I have been hit with a screaming case of insecurity. I wallowed in it. I thought about seeking out validation, overt and veiled. You see, I wrote about love languages last week and how I am not really sure mine is "Words of Affirmation", but I still really crave them. (More than chocolate! I know! Crazy right?!)
Today while I was in the shower I decided to pray about it. The shower is one of the few places I am alone these days so it is a great place for me to talk with God. (Not to mention it's always a great reminder or being washed in the water of Baptism.)
Two things came to me as I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair...
#1- It is none of my business what other people think of me. So whether someone thinks I'm capable or not, whether they like me or not, whatever it is they think of me, it's not any of my business. All I can do is the best I can do with the passion and talents given me for the task. Whatever they think of me is their opinion and while it might hurt my feelings, it is none of my business. Why speculate and imagine the worst? It's none of my business.
#2- The only One who can give me the affirmation I crave is God. I remembered what Lysa TerKeurst writes about in her book, Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl. She writes that we go around with this cup looking for other people to fill it but that really the only One who can fill that empty place in our hearts is God. I have this half empty cup, because I'm a little bit pessimistic, that I carry around looking for people to fill with words of affirmation. I hear other people getting them, but they don't seem to be hitting my cup. I wonder, "Why her and not me?" (Refer back to #1.) ;)
In her book, Lysa writes, "The greatest thing we can do when we face feelings of insecurity is to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith" (Hebrews 12:2)."
So today I turned to God and I held out my cup and I said, God please fill me with your love so that I can go forward using the gifts you've blessed me with, free from the insecurity. The insecurity makes me want to run away, Lord, but I know that You have created me for this and when I focus on You and not on myself I no longer feel the urge to run.
Fill us up Lord, so we can be Your hands and feet.