Rewards...

Sometimes I procrastinate. I admit it. I own it. I am not proud of it, but it's who I can be.

I am particularly prone to procrastination when I am nervous about how things could turn out, particularly if I'm afraid of rejection or making a mistake.

I am in the process of trying to go back to school and the only thing left hanging over my head was a personal goal statement. I sat and sat and sat and sat (sounds like the potty training book I've been reading the 3 yo) but I just couldn't get anything worthy down on paper. And I say "on paper" because our lap top's hard drive died and trying to write something so important on the desktop in the living room with my entourage whining and squealing and whatnot wasn't working for me. (Kind of like it isn't right now.)

I tried on Saturday but I couldn't do it. I got some ideas down on Sunday but nothing gelled.

I was letting my fear of not writing it well enough, my fear of not doing it "right", get in the way of doing it at all and I could find lots of distractions to become my excuses--laundry and dishes and errands oh my!

But last night I was itching to do some holiday knitting and I decided that I would not, could not, knit until I had written my first (only? wishful thinking. ;) ) draft.

So after Miss M was fed for the night and the other children were tucked in, I locked myself in the bedroom with a glass of water and a legal pad, I reread the guidelines and I wrote and wrote and wrote. And when I was finished...I had a few pages that spoke of my personal goals.

Oops..I left out one very important step. I prayed for focus and wisdom and not only that, I asked others to pray for me too. I do believe it helped.

And then...I dug through my yarn stash and pulled out a pattern for a miniature stocking and some yarn and happily cast on that 25 stitches knowing I had met the goal I set. I don't think knitting was an enormous incentive, but recognizing that I had to prioritize and could not keep procrastinating about something so important deserved to be rewarded.

The big reward will come if I get accepted which is truly the only incentive I need, however, I guess I needed an incentive to stop procrastinating and get it done.

I pray that as you go through your day, you realize the goals you set for yourself whether large or small, and when you do follow through, I hope you find positive ways to reward your success.

-peace