Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Wall

Have you ever hit a wall?

Last week I talked  to a friend about the feeling that perhaps I was having a midlife crisis.  Things that I was absolutely certain of, things I hadn't thought about in years, things that were absolutes in my mind suddenly became shades of gray.  My very wise friend suggested that maybe instead of a midlife crisis, I had hit a wall.  Perhaps, she suggested, instead of having a midlife crisis, I was feeling the strain of my lifestyle.

I said, "Perhaps." But I was really feeling so distressed about turning 41 that I really thought I was missing my carefree youth more than anything else. 

Until today.

Today I realized that perhaps my friend had a point and what I was truly feeling was that I have "hit a wall." 

Grad school, volunteer responsibilities, being a mom to 6 kids, and now a husband with a less flexible schedule (which I am thankful for, don't misunderstand) added to some sleep deprivation have turned me into an anxiety-ridden, verge-of-tears woman who has hit the wall big time. 

This is not, however, the Great Wall of China.  I envision it like a wall on an obstacle course that I will either need to use my muscles to climb over or my brain to find a way around. It might not be tidy and it might not be first...but part of how I have accomplished anything I am proud of is by actually having to work at it. 

It will be one step at a time, one hand over the other, one foot in front of the other and I may even need to lean on some others for at least moral support, but I. Can. Do. This.  (Yes, I am trying to convince myself.  Like any mantra, it works best when I repeat it over an over.)

And...I am so thankful that I have these opportunities to use these gifts with which I have been blesses.  I will become more efficient, I will become more focused and if need be, I will ask for a "little help".

I pray that we each can feel free to ask for help when we need it and to be thankful in all things. 

Have a wonderful weekend.


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