For the Love of Books

I love to read. I cannot remember a time when I did not love reading. I do not love everything I read, but reading is an escape, an invitation to think, an opportunity to learn and grow.

We own a lot of books. They take up a lot of space, they're heavy when you have to move and sometimes we wish we hadn't spent the cash on the book when it's a disappointment.

We use the library a lot more now than we did back in the day when we both worked in a bookstore. The library may not have everything we want when we want it and sometimes the library doesn't have our hearts desire at all, but it is a more economical way to feed the "book a day" habit we both have.

Now that so many people are on the ebook bandwagon, I wonder what will happen to the already underfunded library system and how it will impact the people that cannot afford an ereader. (It's only $149...I love the only, because to some people, many people, me, $149 is a lot of money.)

I admit it, I've read a book on the itouch. It was a free download and it was portable and it's got the instant gratification, never have to leave my house, thing going on. It wasn't the same as holding an actual book in my hands though and I missed the feel of the paper and the whole "book" experience. It also doesn't have the same read it and pass it on quality of a traditional book. I know some of the ereaders have share options but, it's not the same.

I've also downloaded samples of books which allows me to decide whether I want to buy the real deal. The Husband tried to read one of the samples and it gave him a headache. (Safe to say he was not impressed by the experience. I've been told actual ereaders are easier on the eyes and I know my FIL loves his.)

So what happens when what we used to read in black and white goes digital? Do you think it will lose a sense of permanence? Easier to edit, sure. Is that always a good thing? Typos be gone. (Typos are the bane of my typing-impaired existence so I'm good with that, but will there be unintended consequences?)

Will libraries still have the selection and availability of new and interesting "traditional" books? Will that stop low-income people from enjoying the same reading experience of those with the disposable income that allows them to spend only $149 on a digital device plus the cost of the book? (I've heard some libraries offer free downloads now...)

It saves trees and paper. I struggle with that. But the manufacture of petroleum-based plastics has an impact on our planet too.

For now, I'll stick with the regular old books and libraries and the occasional, or not so occasional. splurges at the bookstore, using a real bookmark and turning real pages. Go ahead, call me old-fashioned. I am over 40. ;)

-Peace

Pretty Neat...Feet

Today I got my first professional pedicure in ooooh about 14 years. Usually I trim the nails, throw some polish on and call it good. If you're looking that closely at my feet, you might want to talk to a licensed professional about your problem. ;)

Anyway, it was incredibly relaxing and my tootsies look amazing, all soft and lotioned and my nails are a shade of fuschia called "You're a Pisa Work". It was fun to go with a friend and chat and all that jazz.

It was a little intimidating too. I mean, I was asking a stranger to do something about my cave woman feet. Granted she got paid for the ahem privilege but still...you get the picture.

After being pampered like that, I felt renewed. While it felt a little vain feeling so good about my toes (my friend expressed the same feeling), it really did lift my spirits and wearing flip flops in 35 degree weather so as not to smudge the polish was worth it. (Blue feet and fuschia toenails look cute, really. ;) )

As I was loading the dishwasher, I realized how much more content I was in my daily life of dishes and laundry and refereeing after that bit of pampering. I was more content in the mundane because of what? Because I had smooth feet and snazzy toenails? Ummm......

I thought about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. Now that's an act of service! I felt so good having my feet scrubbed and rubbed today and I wear shoes and socks and don't walk nearly as much as the disciples did and let's face it, my footwear is a little better orthopedically, don't you think?

When's the last time I offered to wash the feet of someone I did not birth? If you guessed "never" you'd be correct. Sometimes I get moody about loading the dishwasher and whenever the Husband does bath time for the kiddos (almost always) I am thankful.

I am not always gracious about my little acts of service.

And I'm following Jesus' example? Umm...

I think I need to work on that.

Lord, thank you for opportunities to be nurtured and pampered. May I find ways to follow Jesus' example of service in daily life, not because it's convenient or because I have to but because my heart compels me to do so.

-Peace

Fingers In My Ears

Bitterness has a way of festering and growing. When I don't let it go it has a way of attracting other latent bitter feelings and soon they're all glomming together and the next thing you know, it's a big ol' ball of prickles.

Yesterday, I felt like I had a big prickly ball where my heart should have been. Everything rubbed me the wrong way and got stuck on those prickly thorns. I was crabbing at the kids as we left for church. (seat belt not working right, why'd you leave the door open, what is the matter with you?) I snapped at the oldest boy when we were getting settled in church. (Just pick a seat, it's not rocket science.)

I felt so ugly on the inside that I didn't even want to hear the words of absolution after confession. I mentally had my fingers in my ears and was saying "lalalala" so I could not hear them, let alone feel them.

I didn't deserve to be forgiven for my attitude or anything else, but no one does so that wasn't the point. I did not want to be forgiven. I just wanted to stew in my prickles. I didn't want to get anyone else stuck on my prickles but I'm sure my family felt it.

The first softness I felt in heart was when I saw *N*'s nerves as he sat through a First Communion class. He was nervous as I sat beside him and that made my heart ache. As friends gave me hugs "hello" I tried to hide my prickles. Most noticed I was not myself but I told them I was "fine" and they let me be. (Stewing in my prickles and in the shame I felt at feeling so prickly.)

The oldest boy bought me Swedish fish and left them on the seat of my car. (He does have empathy and notices when someone is out of sorts..or it could be that I told him if he didn't change his attitude during church it would be a long time before he drove my car and perhaps I could get my money back for the Driver's Ed class I'd just paid for...I was witchy, I admit it. Aren't you glad you weren't living with me yesterday?)

When we got home, I went to my room and cried hot tears into my pillow. I was feeling like a brat and trying so hard not to rant at the Husband about all the things getting me down, things that would surely hurt his feelings because he would like for the same things to be different.

It was in this self-imposed time out that I realized how bitterness over one little thing had grown into a raging, prickly ball of discontent over everything. I have so much to be thankful for and yet, all sorts of stuff got stuck on my prickles and it "snowballed". (Pardon the mixed imagery. I live in western New York where snow is part of life. ;) Perhaps I should have said I had a dirty snowball where my heart should have been? )

I don't want pity. I don't want suggestions for how to go about fixing things. I want to keep smiling and fake it 'til I make it. Somehow though, yesterday I was just angry at the world and I wanted to stew in it (alone) and that isn't always easy to do..be alone in my life. I did not want to bring anyone else down or say anything hurtful but I know my actions and attitude impacted others.

At some point I was able to smile and appreciate my life again. I was able to be thankful for what I did have instead of wishing for something more or different.

I can take my fingers out of my ears now. :)
-Peace

Do Not

Do not underestimate me.

I may be self-deprecating (to a fault?), but I know what I am capable of.

I grew up hearing, you can do anything you want to do, but here let me help you.

I learned as an adult that I really can do just about anything I set my mind to and I can do it with or without help.

Life is too short and I have many things to accomplish. If I don't have a passion for it, I probably won't get involved.

Please do not misinterpret my humility as fear or timidity. If I'm joking about not wanting to do something or feeling as though I can't (driving the zoom zoom, for instance), it's probably a fly in my ointment that I'd rather not deal with. I can, I just don't feel like it. I guess I'm admitting to being a bit lazy that way. (Kind of like when I pretend I'm sleeping when the baby cries so the Husband will get up with her... Or it's the holdover from my teenage years when I "played dumb" so the boys wouldn't think I was "too smart". Ugh.)

Do not misinterpret my silence and calm for inaction. I think things through quickly and quietly; pros and cons and practicality. I'll take a risk if I think it's worthwhile. I have taken many leaps of faith, but not every leap is worth taking. It's best to know the difference before stepping off the cliff.

The most comforting thing about taking any leap is knowing that I am firmly held in the hands of God as I do so.

I've got a little, "I am woman, hear me roar," going on. ;)

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and above all a child of God. I may be quiet and humble. I may joke a little or downplay things. I may be imperfectly human. I am who God made me to be, and knowing that, do you really think it's a good idea to underestimate me?

-Peace (Roar)

What Is It Worth?

I clawed my way out of bed this morning, changing Miss M's diaper with my eyes mostly closed. I clomped down the stairs grumbling. I was unpleasant to be around. I have been cranky most of the day. (Just ask the Husband, he'll tell you. ;) )

Why? I did not get enough sleep. I stayed up too late watching television. I chose to stay up late watching the box instead of getting some precious sleep and today has been a wasted day of crabbiness, lack of motivation and slow-motion. The show wasn't even that good, and if mind candy is a redeeming quality, that's the only one there was.

It was not worth it. If I has stayed up with a child who couldn't sleep, been studying, knitting, reading even, I could see some rewards to my choice. This, not so much.

How many other moments, minutes, hours do I waste each day in activities that just are not worth it? Not worth the time I can never get back. What other choices do I make that could be better? 10, 20, 2000?

Yesterday I spent time with a friend and it was worth it. Each day I am doing things and I am going through the motions, but just like I need to be intentional about investing in my friendships, I realize that it is not enough to just be present, I need to be intentional in all aspects of life.

How? It seems kind of overwhelming and yet if I add up each stretch of minutes I waste doing useless things, I could do some cool stuff.

That's really the key. I do a lot of useful things, but I also spend a lot of time on things that really have no value, other than mind candy. I guess I'm a mind candy junkie. I need to break the habit.

Every day I want to be able to look back and see something accomplished. I want it to be things that matter. Even a mundane list of household chores matter when they are done with love in my heart. Every day that I spend more time on random mind candy than on living a full life, I have frittered away gifts of time and talent. I have missed opportunities to love and serve and make memories.

There is a time and a place for mind candy, but it can't be a steady diet. It's just not worth the waste.

-Peace

We Have To...

This morning (and afternoon) I got together with a dear friend for coffee and conversation.

We talked and talked and laughed and laughed and spent about 5 hours just being...in between Miss M eating and needing diaper changes and *I* showing off various toys.

As she left she said, "We have to do this more often."

The last time we got together like this we said the same thing...and that was in September.

More often means more than every 6 months, don't you think? She lives maybe 15 minutes away. There's no blame. I'm not saying it's her fault or my fault. It just is.

In order to get together today, we had to write it on our calendars. We had to be intentional and make it important. Our friendship is important. She is a good and trusted friend. She makes me laugh and she challenges me.

The truth is everyone is busy; busy with work or school or kids or volunteer activities. Just because you do or do not have some or any of those things in your life, doesn't make you any more or less busy. We make choices that make us busy. We have control over what makes us busy. We can prioritize.

I should, by all accounts, be a busy person. I don't think of myself as busy. I even wrote about it once.

So why did we have 6 months between coffee chats? (We did get together to scrapbook, but that's different. ;) ) Because we weren't intentional. Not until last week when my friend said, "Let's put it on our calendars." did we pick a day and then we stuck to it, mostly. (Sick child trumps coffee. ;) )

Life is about choices and intentions and making commitments. I am not a schedule person. I abhor knowing that I have things I must do on a given day. Even MOPS, which I love. I wake up on some Wednesday mornings and think about not going because I just want to stay home. Don't judge me. I have laundry and schoolwork and stuff to do. I always have lots of stuff I need to do.

Guess what! It is in these times of fellowship, during these times of scheduled commitment, that I find the most comfort, insight and even peace. It makes all the other stuff go more smoothly becuase my spirit is fed and nurtured.

I am so thankful for the opportunities to be in fellowship with others. I am so thankful to be busy. My life is full, my heart is full and yes, sometimes I could use an extra set of hands (or a clone of myself) but it's all good. Spending a morning sipping coffee and chatting is much better than anything else I could have done. (Okay, if we could have solved the education budget crisis it would have been nice...)

Yes, dear friend, we must do this more often. Let's put another date on our calendars. <3

Each day we are given the choice to make people a priority. I know that I could do a better job with this. My prayer is that I use today as a lesson and just do it.

-Peace

Watching the Grass Grow

When you have more than one child, there can times be a wee bit of rivalry.

The Husband and I try very hard not to encourage rivalry and competition between the boys. Miss M is too young to compete and as the only princess in the castle, she's got her own itty bitty pink throne while the middle boys (#2, #3, #4 and #5) seem to always be elbowing each other out of the way in their rush toward the moat.

One of the boys is more competitive than the others. He likes to be "The Big Cheese". Fortunately for him, everything does come very easily to him. He learns quickly, runs so fast his baseball coaches call him "Turbo" and basically if he tries things, he achieves good results quickly.

This morning one of his brothers was looking at the plants he began growing in Youth Group. His are growing very well. "Maybe I can be a grass farmer! My grass is growing really well." (Yes, whenever he says that the husband and I raise an eyebrow at each other. Would that be Kentucky Blue Grass or Fine-Leaf Fescue?)

The Big Cheese replies, "You don't have to be the best at everything!" Seriously?! He is always thumping his chest and his brother makes one innocent comment about his grass and this is his response?!

I bit my lip so I didn't laugh out loud. When I repeated the exchange for the Husband after they had left for school, the Husband laugh one of those deep belly laughs. It really is that funny.

If you knew them...you'd laugh like that too. (That and the boy contemplating being a sod farmer....)

The one boy needs to learn humility...not the grass grower, the other one. The grass grower, he's really been maturing lately. He still does some impulsive things, but he is showing signs of some good things to come. (And hopefully he goes organic with the sod farm. ; )

The verse I repeat for the Big Cheese? "The first will be last and the last will be first." He still wants to be first at everything!

-Peace