Limits

When it comes to loving my kids, there are no limits. I get angry, I get annoyed, I get tired. But I always ALWAYS love them. And the hardest part of being a mom, in my humble opinion, is facing all the things I cannot fix for them.

When one of them is teased for being short, gets bullied, gets hurt (physically or emotionally), when they make a bad choice and I so wish I could turn back time..and when they're scared.

My middle guys are taking swim lessons and for the most part they're doing OK. C (9) had a major attack of nerves today. He was absolutely beside himself with fear about jumping into the deep end. If I could have sent him some confidence telepathically, I would have. Watching him struggle was tough. Both his younger brothers were able to do it fine and they were trying to encourage him. The only thing I could do was pray (and talk to another mom who had a similar experience with her son who is fine this year and call my husband to tell him, because I needed to share the anguish.)

I cannot take this fear from him, I can only encourage him to face it. We talked about it. He trusts his teachers. He's done it before and it was fine. Rationally, I don't think he knows why he was so desperately afraid any more than I do. But I do know that if he lets his fear control him, about this or anything else he really wants to do, he will not be reaching his full potential.

You see, I truly believe that allowing fear to take over gives power to a force other than God. It's like in the cartoons when the character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The angel, a voice of God, is there to speak truth and encouragement and hope. It builds up. The devil on the other shoulder is there to undermine, to break down and discourage. Allowing fear to control us denies hope.

Now sometimes fear is a good thing...it's good to be aware of your limitations. I am afraid of lots of things, some rational and others, not so much. There is a difference between danger and being self-conscious or afraid of failure. To be clear, I do believe that jumping into deep water and not knowing how to swim is a rational fear, but when there are people you trust to catch you..sometimes it's a leap of faith, literally.

Anyway, I can't take his fear away and help him grow in his self-confidence, any more than I can make any of them taller (I'm not quite 5' 3", my side of the family has donated the short genes to this pool) but I will continue to pray for them to grow and have faith in God and in themselves.

It broke my heart to see him afraid and I wonder how tomorrow will go. I have offered bribes, so if I have to pay up at the end of the week and he learns that he CAN do it...It's all good.

-Peace