So I've started writing several times today. I try not to get all cranky and ranty on here because who needs to add that negativity to their day, ya know? I also recognize that as a hormonal pregnant woman I seem to get a little ticky about things that aren't all that important.
The first step is admitting it, right? ;)
So things that have been on my mind are: common sense- it seems to be scarce lately, blame-why do we always have to assign blame?
I started to rant about the lack of common sense based on some recent news stories and then I decided that in doing so I was being judgemental. In one of the cases I still shake my head. In the other, I recognize that while it would be common sense to me...if the person has some sort of mental disorder, perhaps they lack the proper filters to make good common sense choices.
And blame... people seem to feel very comfortable placing blame, not accepting, but placing. I understand it, sort of. Yet, why do we need to assign blame or find someone blameless in order to help them. I don't think we should do that. I guess I'm kind of a rebel. *gasp* Jesus just helped people, he didn't say, "You deserved what you got so I won't help you." He forgave people. He said to let the one without sin cast the first stone (and the sinless Jesus didn't cast any stones :O ) . We're all born sinful and broken, maybe you and I don't sin in the same exact way, but we all have flaws. So I shouldn't sit and say you did X,Y, Z so this is what you get.
I guess occasionally I do say that, like when one of the boys experiences the fruits of their choices. Sometimes I will say, "that's what you get." That is, they experience the natural consequences. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that because they make a bad choice and get hurt or in a jam, I won't help them. If one of them climbed a tree after being told not to and fell breaking an arm or leg, I might say "This is why I told you not to climb the tree!" but I'd also get them to the hospital.
I told *J* to wear sunscreen a couple of weeks ago and he said he didn't need it. He got sunburned. I said, "See?! I told you you needed sunscreen." but I also made sure he had the aloe vera and the Tylenol. Even though he didn't make the right choice, I still had compassion for him. I helped him. I didn't say, "Serves you right, now suffer." I didn't say, "Figure it out on your own." I'm his mom but I'm also human, I might be frustrated, but I believe that I'm called by God to show love and compassion to all regardless of what another has done.
So, I didn't rant here (too much) today . I'm just saying I think that maybe before we judge others, before we insist on placing blame, maybe we could look deep in our hearts, beyond the fault and the "should haves" and just find a little love in our hearts to share. It will bless both sides, honest.
I'm working on it. Prayer helps...A LOT.
-Peace
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Kind of a Post Script to "Good Day!"
As I reflected on what I wrote, it occurred to me that I should emphasize that I KNOW that God shows up even when the day is not so hot.
Last week, I had a particularly bad day...when the not-quite 3 yo was acting like a wild beast. God showed up. No, *I* didn't exhibit the manners of God...but God showed me love and kindness at the hands of others.
As I drove home, I knew in my heart that I couldn't stay angry at *I* because I couldn't show him conditional love. I love him with all my heart and to temper that love because I was angry or embarrassed would be the wrong reaction. That was God showing up and giving me the wisdom I needed.
God shows up in the midst of tragedy, when others reach out to be His hands and feet to those in need or in trouble.
So please, don't misunderstand, God shows up every single day...sometimes to carry us and sometimes to bring a little joy on earth,
Last week, I had a particularly bad day...when the not-quite 3 yo was acting like a wild beast. God showed up. No, *I* didn't exhibit the manners of God...but God showed me love and kindness at the hands of others.
As I drove home, I knew in my heart that I couldn't stay angry at *I* because I couldn't show him conditional love. I love him with all my heart and to temper that love because I was angry or embarrassed would be the wrong reaction. That was God showing up and giving me the wisdom I needed.
God shows up in the midst of tragedy, when others reach out to be His hands and feet to those in need or in trouble.
So please, don't misunderstand, God shows up every single day...sometimes to carry us and sometimes to bring a little joy on earth,
Good Day!
I've written before about the attitude of "Expecting God to show up". It's somewhat foreign in to me, the glass half-empty gal.
However, I have been beginning each day with prayers of Thanksgiving for the day to come and also expecting that God will grant the prayers of my heart if it is His will. (I think recognizing that everything I desire may not be God's will is pretty important. ;) )
So yesterday I began my day the same way.
You see, my 15 yo auditioned for a special chorus at his school a few weeks ago. He (and the Husband and I) have been waiting in a kind of agony for that list to be posted. *J* auditioned last year, as a freshman, but his voice was in flux and the director said he needed to see where *J*'s voice settled. It was a very difficult thing to face. It wasn't that he didn't have ability..he was just having some "Peter Brady" Time to change issues.
But *J* kept singing in the Mixed and Men's choruses, sang in the vocal jazz ensemble and worked hard on his other singing opportunities.
Yesterday around 7:20 in the morning our phone rang. When I saw the caller id I wondered what he'd forgotten. Wrong. He called to say. "I made the concert choir!" There was MUCH rejoicing in our home. :)
Last night, the great things continued for our boys. There were two baseball games... 8 yo *N* played from 6-8. This is his third season. He made several great plays in the field and lots of good hits. He works hard and hustles..and yesterday his coaches gave him the game ball. From 8-10 pm (crazy, no?!) our 10 yo *C* had a game. This is *C*'s first season playing. He never wanted to before and this is not something that comes naturally for him. To be honest, I think he is playing because he sees how much *N* and the Husband bond over it. Last night *C* made a great play in the field AND he got his first hit. He's learning skills and gaining confidence and when he was running to 1st the coach turned to the Husband and said, "Boy he's fast!"
Yesterday (and every day), I prayed for God's will in my boys' lives, in all of our lives actually. I also prayed for a hedge of protection around them to keep them safe physically and emotionally. I expected that God would be there, either to pick them up when they missed a step or that God would be there lifting them to their goals. (I also prayed that God would give me the wisdom to say the "right" thing no matter which way it went.)
*J* said that one of the freshman that tried out was really bummed to have not made the choir this time. I said, "You know how that feels." He said "Yeah. I told him that." That year of missing out on a dream helped him grow in compassion and humility. Thanks be to God for that too. :)
Prayers for you to find hope and comfort in the expectation that God is going to show up, though not always as you'd expect or desire.
-Peace
However, I have been beginning each day with prayers of Thanksgiving for the day to come and also expecting that God will grant the prayers of my heart if it is His will. (I think recognizing that everything I desire may not be God's will is pretty important. ;) )
So yesterday I began my day the same way.
You see, my 15 yo auditioned for a special chorus at his school a few weeks ago. He (and the Husband and I) have been waiting in a kind of agony for that list to be posted. *J* auditioned last year, as a freshman, but his voice was in flux and the director said he needed to see where *J*'s voice settled. It was a very difficult thing to face. It wasn't that he didn't have ability..he was just having some "Peter Brady" Time to change issues.
But *J* kept singing in the Mixed and Men's choruses, sang in the vocal jazz ensemble and worked hard on his other singing opportunities.
Yesterday around 7:20 in the morning our phone rang. When I saw the caller id I wondered what he'd forgotten. Wrong. He called to say. "I made the concert choir!" There was MUCH rejoicing in our home. :)
Last night, the great things continued for our boys. There were two baseball games... 8 yo *N* played from 6-8. This is his third season. He made several great plays in the field and lots of good hits. He works hard and hustles..and yesterday his coaches gave him the game ball. From 8-10 pm (crazy, no?!) our 10 yo *C* had a game. This is *C*'s first season playing. He never wanted to before and this is not something that comes naturally for him. To be honest, I think he is playing because he sees how much *N* and the Husband bond over it. Last night *C* made a great play in the field AND he got his first hit. He's learning skills and gaining confidence and when he was running to 1st the coach turned to the Husband and said, "Boy he's fast!"
Yesterday (and every day), I prayed for God's will in my boys' lives, in all of our lives actually. I also prayed for a hedge of protection around them to keep them safe physically and emotionally. I expected that God would be there, either to pick them up when they missed a step or that God would be there lifting them to their goals. (I also prayed that God would give me the wisdom to say the "right" thing no matter which way it went.)
*J* said that one of the freshman that tried out was really bummed to have not made the choir this time. I said, "You know how that feels." He said "Yeah. I told him that." That year of missing out on a dream helped him grow in compassion and humility. Thanks be to God for that too. :)
Prayers for you to find hope and comfort in the expectation that God is going to show up, though not always as you'd expect or desire.
-Peace
Monday, June 7, 2010
What Color are Your Flowers?
It's gardening season, so I'll ask....What color are you flowers?
Are they red? Are they pink? Purple? Blue? Do you have flowers?
Do you have a garden of only one color? Or are you like many of my gifted gardening buddies, with all different colors and types...a bounty of scents and colors and experiences?
When I was in college I heard, for the first time, the song Flowers are Red by Harry Chapin. Have you ever heard the song? I encourage you to give it a listen if you haven't. Give it a listen even if you had heard it, it's a great song. :)
Basically, the song is about a young boy who goes to school and decides to draw flowers of many colors. His teacher tells him it's not time to draw and "anyway flowers are green and red." Basically over time this teacher gets him to agree (after putting him in a corner) that flowers are green and red. Then he moves to another school where the teacher says that "there are so many colors in the flowers, so let's use every one..but that little boy painted flowers in neat rows of green and red..."
That song really stuck with me through the years. I have tried to raise each of my boys to see all of the colors of the rainbow. It's not always easy though. They tend to think outside the box which can be uncomfortable...particularly for me...as I like to blend in.
A few years ago, when we lived in a different school where they did the same art projects for each grade level every year copying the masters (great fun when you have multiple kids going through the district) the Husband was walking down the school hallway and the art teacher was yelling at kids to "not run in the halls." The Husband joked, "at least they're happy to be in school." She scowled at him and said, "No! They must learn to follow rules so that they can be good citizens."
Now anyone who knows us, would know that we are a family of rule followers. HOWEVER...I do not think that following rules is always going to make a good citizen. It might make a good status quo citizen but...I don't believe we were put on this earth to be status quo people...do you?
There are rules we follow for safety and the well-being of all. BUT there are rules that we all know are wrong or are unfair sooo if everyone just blindly follows the rules to be "good citizens" think of all the inequalities and injustices that would still exist.
The Husband and I were talking about following rules and laws the other night. He brought up Jesus. Jesus believed that the well-being of people, that ministry to people, superseded the law. I think Jesus set a pretty good example of what to do and how to be. :)
So I strive to be a rainbow flowered person and to encourage my kids to see the all the colors so that they may be not only good citizens but thinking, caring people. I pray that they look to Jesus as a role model.
If you're wondering, our flowers are red, purple, white and pink. :)
-Peace
Are they red? Are they pink? Purple? Blue? Do you have flowers?
Do you have a garden of only one color? Or are you like many of my gifted gardening buddies, with all different colors and types...a bounty of scents and colors and experiences?
When I was in college I heard, for the first time, the song Flowers are Red by Harry Chapin. Have you ever heard the song? I encourage you to give it a listen if you haven't. Give it a listen even if you had heard it, it's a great song. :)
Basically, the song is about a young boy who goes to school and decides to draw flowers of many colors. His teacher tells him it's not time to draw and "anyway flowers are green and red." Basically over time this teacher gets him to agree (after putting him in a corner) that flowers are green and red. Then he moves to another school where the teacher says that "there are so many colors in the flowers, so let's use every one..but that little boy painted flowers in neat rows of green and red..."
That song really stuck with me through the years. I have tried to raise each of my boys to see all of the colors of the rainbow. It's not always easy though. They tend to think outside the box which can be uncomfortable...particularly for me...as I like to blend in.
A few years ago, when we lived in a different school where they did the same art projects for each grade level every year copying the masters (great fun when you have multiple kids going through the district) the Husband was walking down the school hallway and the art teacher was yelling at kids to "not run in the halls." The Husband joked, "at least they're happy to be in school." She scowled at him and said, "No! They must learn to follow rules so that they can be good citizens."
Now anyone who knows us, would know that we are a family of rule followers. HOWEVER...I do not think that following rules is always going to make a good citizen. It might make a good status quo citizen but...I don't believe we were put on this earth to be status quo people...do you?
There are rules we follow for safety and the well-being of all. BUT there are rules that we all know are wrong or are unfair sooo if everyone just blindly follows the rules to be "good citizens" think of all the inequalities and injustices that would still exist.
The Husband and I were talking about following rules and laws the other night. He brought up Jesus. Jesus believed that the well-being of people, that ministry to people, superseded the law. I think Jesus set a pretty good example of what to do and how to be. :)
So I strive to be a rainbow flowered person and to encourage my kids to see the all the colors so that they may be not only good citizens but thinking, caring people. I pray that they look to Jesus as a role model.
If you're wondering, our flowers are red, purple, white and pink. :)
-Peace
Friday, June 4, 2010
No Vent...Content.
This morning, I typed out a long e-mail to a friend. I was venting about something because I knew she'd understand and be sympathetic. I guess I wanted her to agree with me or tell me she'd be upset too.
Then I deleted it.
Typing it was enough. I learned in my Counseling Techniques course that my feelings were valid whether someone else agreed with me or not simply because I was feeling them. (What I do in response to my feelings is where the potential for trouble lies.)
I decided I could make a big deal out of what bothered me, or I could do as I knew the Husband would suggest--accept the situation and the people involved where they are and move on. I only have control of my own actions and reactions so that's where my concern should lie.
Then I thought, maybe this is why the Husband and I have been happily married for almost 17 years...he can accept me where I am.
If I had sent that venting e-mail, I may have gotten some sympathy, but the negative emotions would have continued on. I wouldn't have let the negativity go or moved on and it really, in the end, wouldn't have made me feel better.
I didn't need validation, I needed to remember that everyone is human and that while someone might not behave in the way I want them to, it's not all about what I envision, is it?
Instead of venting when someone doesn't meet my expectations, I will try to remember how often I fall short of other's expectations. Especially how I consistently fall short of God's expectations...and God does not walk away, or vent, or stay angry. Instead God gives me another chance and a whole lot of grace.
-Peace
Then I deleted it.
Typing it was enough. I learned in my Counseling Techniques course that my feelings were valid whether someone else agreed with me or not simply because I was feeling them. (What I do in response to my feelings is where the potential for trouble lies.)
I decided I could make a big deal out of what bothered me, or I could do as I knew the Husband would suggest--accept the situation and the people involved where they are and move on. I only have control of my own actions and reactions so that's where my concern should lie.
Then I thought, maybe this is why the Husband and I have been happily married for almost 17 years...he can accept me where I am.
If I had sent that venting e-mail, I may have gotten some sympathy, but the negative emotions would have continued on. I wouldn't have let the negativity go or moved on and it really, in the end, wouldn't have made me feel better.
I didn't need validation, I needed to remember that everyone is human and that while someone might not behave in the way I want them to, it's not all about what I envision, is it?
Instead of venting when someone doesn't meet my expectations, I will try to remember how often I fall short of other's expectations. Especially how I consistently fall short of God's expectations...and God does not walk away, or vent, or stay angry. Instead God gives me another chance and a whole lot of grace.
-Peace
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Sweet and ...Wild?
Sometimes, I look into the angelic blue-eyed face and wonder..how someone so innocent looking can be such a wild boy.
Right now, he's sitting at the table eating his lunch. As I was opening the mail he stood beside me and said,"Mommy, I'm thirsty" in the sweetest voice.
I am left to wonder how my little guy can have such a "Jekyll and Hyde" personality. I wasn't there to witness it, but apparently the not-quite-3yo was a terror in the nursery, hitting with a sword, running trucks into others...clearly being uncivilized. SIGH.
I could ask him why, but I'm sure even he doesn't know. He's active. His brothers are active. We don't encourage or condone rough play, but it seems to happen anyway.
It leaves me at a total loss.
Well...maybe it doesn't. How many times have the boys smashed their cars together like it's a demolition derby? How often have they played with inflatable light sabers, whacking each other? How often has a balloon been used for dodge ball. And *I*, he watches and joins in...and loves to play with the big boys. They're all laughing and shrieking and usually no one gets hurt.
How do I explain to the 3 in 19 days boy that some of the games he plays with his brothers just don't translate well to other locations? Maybe I should just stay home. That would be infinitely easier, wouldn't it? Easier than feeling like people think he's a wild beast. I do call them my beastie boys for a reason. ;)
So today, I was humbled and felt a little bit (who am I kidding? it was more than a little bit) sad that my little guy didn't bring his best manners. How can I say to the ladies, "He's not that bad...really!" Do you think they'd believe me? Do you think they're making guesses about how we raise the boys? Can I assure them the boys are not being raised like wild animals without them thinking I protest too much?
Probably not.
So Lord, can you help me to be the mother you made me to be, to raise these blessings you've bestowed upon me to be faithful and Godly? I pray for the strength and wisdom to raise them up and point them in the right direction...and then that they keep their feet on Your path.
-Peace
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A Big Heart...
Rainy days and Tuesdays...not a problem. :) It allows for quiet and reflection after a busy, sun-filled weekend.
This weekend we did some planting. A few flowers, some cucumbers, string beans and strawberries. We got seedlings this year as last year our flowers never really bloomed.
Sunday after church we went and got the supplies we needed and planted after lunch. Well, the guys planted and Isaiah supervised while I weeded in the front.
*N* offered to help our neighbor who was planting lots of flowers on her own in the heat. She told him he had to ask his dad. *N* said to the Husband, "Can I help Mrs. C because we have all these people and she's doing it all alone?" How could the husband say "No" to that request?
So *N* did what he could to assist her while asking questions and making suggestions. I hope Mrs. C wasn't hoping for some quiet meditative time while working in her garden. :)
*N* is definitely a helper and a fixer. Yesterday when we got home from our hike he was out there hauling water for the plants. It was cute to see him so focused on the job.
It was also eye-opening.
*N* can push my buttons. He can be a "chest-thumper", "look what a great job I did" kid. I find I'm usually reminding him about being humble. However, I have discovered that there are things he doesn't brag about that surprise me...being chosen to sing as part of a solo ensemble in the chorus, helping another student with end of day tasks in the classroom, and how supportive and helpful he is at his younger brother's t-ball practices (so much so that *E*'s coach invited him to help out again.)
*N* has a big heart and a lot of compassion (mostly..apparently compassion goes out the window when dealing with family ;)). He notices things...like when people need help.
He also notices injustice... and wants to right these wrongs. This comes out most strongly when we drive through a neighborhood in need...he wants to know why there is such disparity and why certain groups seem more present.
I am thankful for the unique qualities each of my children possess. I pray that they use these gifts to bless those in their presence. Right now, *N* wants to play major league baseball and I know that whatever he does do in the future he will do with enthusiasm. May he never lose the ability to truly see what is happening around him. May he always care enough to help.
-Peace
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